What Dwarf are you?

I got asked the other day what dwarf I felt the most connected to. After I had looked at my enquirer perplexedly and conducted my civic duty aptly by wondering aloud about all the lines of political correctness my friend had grossly surpassed, I was politely chastised to stop reading between the lines and just answer the bloody question already.

It was then that I realised that the reference was alluding to which one of the seven dwarfs in the ancient Snow White fable I felt I was most like. Seeing as I can never ever answer a query straightforwardly, I asked if the question was multiple choice. My friend told me to forget it and muttered something under her breath that sounded a little like “I should know better” mixed with a whole heap of curse words, but my other friend (who is a shrink by the way and I am still not quite sure why I feel the constant need to bring that up) has been telling me to let things go lately. So instead, I bit my tongue profusely and decided to go home and write a list of why I thought this exercise should have been multiple choice in the first place.

Even though I lead an amazingly exciting life, I somehow fit in the exercise when I (cough cough) had some free time and thought I’d share the results with you. Okay fine, I had absolutely nothing to do, so as soon as I ripped through my front door, I slammed my bag hard against my kitchen counter and wrapped my eager beaver fingers around my felt tip pen to release my maniacal onslaught by proceeding to scribble down my ideas on the half used serviette I had left near the sink in the morning.

I don’t think it’s possible to imprison yourself into a simplified notion of one personality group and when I think about it, the seven dwarfs in Snow White are just that, personality groups. I go through all the dwarf representations numerous times and often repeatedly in one day itself. Take this morning for example. I was happily Sleepy before an uninvited Grumpy pounced after I had realised that I had put my alarm on for a whole hour earlier, which lasted till about mid-morning when after scratching my head in confusion for the better half of a dawn, I felt Dopey for forgetting about the 24 hour format lessons I had promised mum I had learnt appropriately in Year 2. Then when I got home and saw my alarm unashamedly tauntingly flashing at me, a light bulb moment hit – my clock isn’t even in 24 hour format! So that was Bashful.

To top it all off, I have allergies early morning so waking up at the ungodly hour I did didn’t help my situation making me Sneezy all afternoon when I decided to self-medicate myself because I sincerely believe that being a Doc was my higher calling which meant that Happy was the only feeling left to experience.

I must admit, this was a tough one but I wasn’t about to let my friend win [because apparently I am quite competitive as someone very wise on this blog once told me – you know who you are ;)]. Then as I commenced reading down my list, my eyes glazed over in gleeful victory, the kind you feel churning in the pit of your stomach when it dawns that you may be on the outskirts of a very promising “told you so” victory because it was settled – my friend had lost. I had made six out of seven dwarfs in a little over half a day already and voila! That made me Happy. Score, 7 out of 7!

I tore the phone of its carrier thingy ma-gig and quickly punched in the numbers of my friend yelling maddeningly, “you lose, I win, you lose, I win. I made 7 out of 7”.

My friend who apparently DID have better things to do with her life asked if I had forgotten to take my Prozac again and about what the hell I was talking about.

I continued to give her a heated rundown and summary gawking at her inability to recall past events of only moments ago to which she dryly and succinctly replied “you need a shrink”.

Before I could barely get the “well the joke’s on you, I already have one” words out, I heard the dead end dial tone bullyingly boring into my right ear drum.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter – I console myself by knowing that I won, so there…


127 thoughts on “What Dwarf are you?

  1. John Guillen

    I shouldn’t comment because we have like eighty other ongoing conversations, but this was too funny not to. First off, it was kind of a dumb question to begin with, BUT I would have said Sleepy. You have no idea how much I love my sleep.

    Oh and was it me who said you’re competitive. You should have just written my name so I wouldn’t have to guess. Assuming I’m correct. Haha


    1. mpsharmaauthor Post author

      I know, see how great we are? We should start running multi skill tutorials for anyone who can keep up with us, shouldn’t be too large 😀

      I think I am starting to catch on, you like your sleep about as much as I love my food. I can’t believe there isn’t a dwarf called Foodie, because you would find my glutton filled face near that in the dictionary!

      Of course you’re correct. I do take advice from like one person here, because you’re a vampire too so I figure you know your shit 🙂


      1. John Guillen

        I laughed the whole way through reading this. Stop doing that. You can at least tone it down every once in awhile. 😉

        And sleep is amazing. If you eat too much food you die. Don’t do that, please!

        I would NOT take advice from a vampire. He just wants your blood. I wonder if you’re setting some sort of trap. Hmm. I got my eye on you.


      2. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Trap?! Me? Noooooo. Have you ever gone into an Indian restaurant before? That smell lingers forever, and not always in a good way. You would have to be a really, really impressive vampire to feed on me … hello … ever heard of Delhi belly?


      3. John Guillen

        I’ve never been in an Indian restaurant. Are you saying you smell like Indian food? All food is good food to me. 😉 no. I don’t know what that means. Sounds bad.


      4. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Haha! I’m saying I try very hard NOT to smell like Indian food, but really I’m just trying to ward your fangs off. And I’m right there with you, if it’s edible, I’m in, though you seem to be retracting … hmm.


      5. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Showers don’t help always, I’m planning to build my next house under a waterfall, but not sure how that will work yet. Just some minor details to iron out! Retracting from all food being absolutely scrumptiously fantastically GREAT!!!


      6. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I know, but seriously who am I kidding? They have to be off their rockers in the first place to even flirt with the idea of becoming acquainted with me 🙂


      7. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Hmm, but then I’d have to pay people to read it and I’m just not quite that rich yet. Okay, but I like this idea so I am shelving it for a rainy day (for my poor readers) but a sunny day for me … so there :p


      8. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Absolutely, I think you should get a cut, but then you may want to be kept away from this project, you have a reputation to uphold, see I don’t 😀


      9. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        And mine’s the crazy lady that’s always stuffing her mouth, hmm the more and more I think about it, we should start our own sitcom. I think we’d rule!


      10. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        What fun would that be, hmm wait unless Lulu, Loony & Gumpy join. Besides there’s a few new characters who may want to join as well, such as Skippy 😉


      11. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Of course. You’re Skippy remember, you can “boing boing” us to fantasy land where we all live. Okay I live there and Gumpy, Lulu, Loony, etc follow me there … sometimes 😀


      12. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        This is NOT the way to boost my ego, js 🙂 I think you should keep it that way, her not knowing about me. I’m not sure if she’ll like the company you keep otherwise 😀


      13. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Yay! But no false hope allowed. I’m am far more than a “little” crazy secret 😉 I’m like one massive you know what crazy. Humungous, gigantic, omnipresent, you get the gist 😉

        But now I feel bad, don’t lie to her. Relationships are built on trust, say your an humanitarian and I’m your charity case/project. Whatever wins extra brownie points 🙂


      14. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Waaaiitt!? Don’t give up yet?! Haven’t you been reading my positive thinking posts? Hmm, we just need to use our wonderful imagination to trap her in a story full of potentials. Between you and me, let’s see we’ve got paranormal, crime, romance, mystery. C’mon, something’s got to give 😀


      15. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Haha! Okay, point taken, but I’m the best friend who you can talk to always, see? Besides, you’re just saying that because you can log out of the conversation whenever you want :p Too much of a “good” thing can be trying, remember? Plus there’s a reason I’ve put good in “”” 😀


      16. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Really?! Wow, my first friend who wants to stay my friend after knowing me for more than a WHOLE 5 minutes. There’s a first time for everything, my mum was right 😀


      17. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Okay … I’ll try but no promises, okay? I tend to slip up sometimes. I do a bit of everything, work full time in marketing/pr/communication/car washing/secretarial duties/tea making (you get the picture, right?) my own business, write on the side and do IT contracts once in a while to stay afloat and prove to the world I’m not extra terrestrial :p Not a 100% success yet rate!

        What about your very capable self?


      18. John Guillen

        I think I read on your About page that you have your own business. Maybe. Hm. That sounds like a lot of work. Unless you just sleep random days. Haha.

        Don’t ask me about my work. I work part time in what everyone over here would consider a high school/college job. I could get a job with my degree but I don’t know that I want to.

        Tell me more! About anything. 🙂


      19. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Look, don’t knock high school/college jobs, they can be very tiring and brain sucking :/ Ask me, I didn’t grow up after about Year 10, okay I lie, my brain stopped maturing after about 5. I know how you can always see through my lies so I figured i’d tell you the truth from the get go.

        It is quite a bit of work, i tend to work till about 2am because I have weird hours with Australia being difficult and so far away from the sun and everyone else 😀

        I have learnt to sleep with my eyes open recently, which creeps some of my clients out, but I figure once I nail the fake smile through my slight snoring, they may never even notice I’m getting some shut eye with my eyes open, which I just realised makes no sense at all. But, whatever, you’re smart 😀


      20. John Guillen

        But I’m 22 with a degree. Ugh. I don’t know.

        2 in the morning!? Why!? Do you work throughout the day? Or do you just go to the gym and say crazy things to the instructors? 😉

        You snore!? Pleeeeeeeeease say no. It’s like scratching a chalkboard to me. I don’t like it. You can’t.


      21. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Because I’m in the export business and I semi work throughout the day, like from 10am till about 2pm, because if I worked those long hours my brain would implode earlier than usual 😉 And what makes you think I say crazy things to my gym instructors, it’s all them, c’mon you don’t even know them, so you have to be on my side whether you like it or not, because I say so. All the argument needed as far as I am concerned 🙂 Okay because you said it I won’t. Note to nose – you’re not allowed to breath in your sleep (if you snore) because John doesn’t like it. Happy?


      22. John Guillen

        Hey. This is the serious conversation, remember? No brains are exploding. Haha. You’re right. I shall always be on your side. Yes! I am. You have no idea how annoyed I get by snoring. Like I slam doors and bang on walls to wake people up so they’ll stop long enough for me to sleep. I’m evil.


      23. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Are you trying to suggest that my brain exploding is NOT a serious matter? 😉 You evil, I can’t see it. No, not at all. But you’re on my side so that’s all that matters 🙂


      24. John Guillen

        Nope. It’s one of your many instances of sarcasm or metaphorical whatever. Haha. Tell me something interesting about yourself. Anything. But NOT a joke. Or I’ll just stop all our conversations. 😉


      25. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        No fair, what if my life is a joke? I’m being dead serious here -_-

        You can’t stop our conversations because then I’ll throw a tantrum, and that’s not good.

        Okay, let’s take turns, You first, cause I’m an equal opportunist/feminist, whatever really to get you to tell me something interesting about yourself first.


      26. John Guillen

        No tantrums. Okay. I’m not interesting at all. Like you have no idea. But let me see…I never trust people because I fully expect them to just stop talking to me at some point. Your turn. Honest, I trust three people right now.


      27. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Really Okay, honesty coming up. This is a little scary 😉 I trust people blindly until they break it and then they NEVER ever get it back. But till I trust you, God could come down and tell me you lied and I won’t believe it until I catch you! An the you’re done for! Haha! Your turn!!!


      28. John Guillen

        Hmmmm. You shouldn’t do that. I don’t know.

        Okay. I have dreams about people I know. And yes, about Jennifer Lawrence too. Haha I usually tell people when it happens but not always.


      29. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Hmm, I would have guessed the Jen bit 😉 Okay, cool. I think way too much, in fact I think it’s a huge disadvantage because I tend to over think things far too often and usually no one else sees it the way I have because it’s just not normal to think about something that bloody much! 😀


      30. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Ohhhhh coooooool!! So am I, but cardio because muscles and me don’t get along for some reason 😉 Really, the real thing? Hmm, interesting, so do you write while doing bicep curls? 🙂


      31. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        That’s not true, I don’t believe you! What doesn’t count? What I just told you? But whyyyyyyyyy? Please explain? Because as far as my tally’s going, it’s your turn! 😉 And don’t try outsmarting my brain, because we all know you’re going to win 😀


      32. John Guillen

        Haha yes it is. And cause you basically just told me what I told you. Nope. New rule. We have to tell each other things unrelated to what the other person said. 🙂


      33. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Heeeyyyyy! No fair, I didn’t know we were getting to make up the rules :p Hmm, okay, you win because you said it first, dammit! Okay, if I ate what I wanted to I wouldn’t fit through the door so I pace myself constantly. I have decided that once I hit a certain age I’m going to eat anything & everything and get on a ship to Bermuda triangle because whatever happened then is going to be a bonus! Your turn 🙂


      34. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Hey! When did the rules in this game become being able to ask what the other should reveal? :p Okay, but only because I have nothing to hide & you’re my new best friend, though you won’t believe me. One happened a while ago with some Bollywood actor I was interviewing during my journalism days & the other a few weeks ago with someone here I have liked/semi-liked (& I thought he did too) for about 7 years! I know right, sounds so pathetic when I write it and read it out loud! Your turn! And it better be good seeing as I just exposed my soul for everyone to read 😀


      35. John Guillen

        Hm. I make up the rules. 🙂 7 years!? Y’all should be married with kids. And books. Okay. I don’t know what to tell you now. Hmm. Since I asked you can ask. Better make it good!


      36. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Hahaha! Poor children. Sorry, just got an image 😀 Oh, I hate being put on the spot!

        Hmm, let’s see – any heartbreaks? Last serious relationship? No holding back now! 😉


      37. John Guillen

        Haha were you thinking of your children you should have by now with the 7 year person? You’d be the only mom no one hated. Haha

        Hmmm. Tell me your email! And I’ll answer. Hahaha sorry. I never talk about this stuff.


      38. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I knew it, I just knew it 🙂 I think I’d be the first mum put up for adoption, before I know it my kids would be using up all their pocket money to sell me off – “if you buy her, I’ll pay you”. Too bad they can’t use the “you broke it, you bought it” slogan coz u know I’m already broken.

        You’re mean, getting me to spill my guts here and not doing the same. This game’s over coz u broke the rules :p


      39. John Guillen

        So can we start again? Pretty please. Eventually I’ll know all there is to know about you and then you’ll have to come here. 🙂 and Skype me.


      40. John Guillen

        Hmm. Cause I’m bad at telling people stuff and then the first thing you ask about is something I don’t talk about? So then I have to not say anything and leave you wondering. And I’m also evil. So I could just make everything up. BUT still tell me stuff. Cause I’m awesome. And you’re awesome. And we’ll just share awesome things. Okay? Okay. 🙂


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