Try like Insane or stay the same …

These are the words my spin instructor said to me in the morning in the middle of a heart destroying work out.

Before I could restrain myself from the avalanche that was about to tear itself free from my endorphin spiked (and incomprehensibly inflicted with allusions of nonsensical grandeur) mind and stick a repulsive gym sock in my mouth, those twelve fateful words poured out like verbal diarrhea.

“So what you’re really trying to say is I’m fat, aren’t you?”

I know, I know. It was like watching a train derail itself and crash into some poor unsuspecting civilian (that would be me, just in case you’re wondering) in slow mo. Complete with the package of all the guts and intestines squirting out from inappropriate body parts. Even incarnating my best version of a wounded puppy dog expression didn’t save face.

She-Hitler (as I have nicknamed her) gave me one dry, uncommitted expression & ordered me to drop and give her 20.

Moral of the story? My mouth is the one part of my body that does NOT need any more exercise. :/

98 thoughts on “Try like Insane or stay the same …

      1. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I know, but you don’t always have to agree with me 😀 Sometimes you can say I’m wrong, predominantly when I’m saying something about myself, unless it’s in the positive. Don’t worry about fanning my ego … I’ll get over it.


      2. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        You’re such a smarty pants! Makes me feel so self conscious. I had to read that sentence about 4 times in my head and 5 times aloud. So instead I nodded my head in the affirmative and started repeating “yup. I understand” with my best imitation of “I so get you” plastered across my face as I spoke to my ipad screen. Not sure if it’s a sign but suddenly everyone I was sitting next to isn’t there right now. In fact the cafe just cleared out :/


      3. John Guillen

        Hahaha 😉 you’re the one who forced me go that route. I take no credit for any people thinking you might be a little off in the head. Cause you are. 🙂


      4. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Shush! Remember, no raining on my parade, being off your rockers can be construed as a compliment in my book, it means I should celebrate I haven’t been committed yet, because no one has caught on … or everyone’s to scared to broach the topic, or me. One or the two – I’m not picky 😉


      5. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Okay … I’ll be itching to pounce with my imaginary champagne filled glass eagerly waiting for the chance to celebrate. I mean it, I’ve popped the lid and everything, it made a dent in y computer screen which I am profusely rubbing away… my sister’s looking at me a little bizarrely by the way 😉


      6. John Guillen

        So you did drink it all? Ugh. I no longer wish to share a secret life with you. 😦 Alcohol is dumb. Wait, I’ll let you off this time cause you’re so hilarious. Just this once. But you’re going to rehab. 😉


      7. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Whaaatt?! NO! I drank my entire milkshake that I was going to go halves with you on, I agree alcohol is so dumb, plus beer froth moustaches only come in one colour, with milkshakes there’s strawberry, chocolate, hmm the list goes on!


      8. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        What are you trying to say? You were never going to share? Now I feel annoyed at battling with my inner demons to save your share for a whole fifteen minutes before the devil on my right shoulder won!


      9. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Okay then, now I feel bad again for not listening to my angel. Who am I kidding? I don’t like inconsistency & conflict, my shoulders both have the devil on it :/


      10. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Yup, it’s all in the perspectives, and the fact that I live in opposite land in my head. You have no idea how many people have commented on my superior intelligence that way 😉


      11. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Oh, you’d be surprised. The ones that do talk to me long enough tend to have to go to psychiatrists or like 1 friend of mine, end up becoming one. Not sure how that is for her poor patients though. But, at least I can take credit in being the reason for her becoming what she did, and I leave it at that :p Sort of like her mentor (at least that’s what I tell myself) 😉


      12. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I agree, if I started reading into things too much, it just wouldn’t work, I’d be a very, very disturbed person and I have too much fun disturbing and disrupting the lives of those around me. It’s all about giving and sharing. Because sharing is caring :p


      13. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Same here! 🙂 But you should really believe me, I don’t want any weird twitching inflicted epidemics brought about by extreme stress of having to deal with all that is me down the line 🙂


      14. John Guillen

        I just laughed a good fifteen seconds straight this. Stop it! Hahaha you have no idea. I’m trying to picture you in person not laughing at everything you see. Dog eating table scraps….Hahaha. Car driving down the road…..Hahaha. Going to sleep…..Hahaha. This is how imagine you. 😉


      15. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Wow, you’re like spot on. I tend to laugh at myself a lot, at least this is how it appears to random strangers. When I then go on and try to explain that I do actually have a good reason to laugh, it just makes it worst :/ Maybe because I start of by saying, “look, if you could come with me inside my head, you may find this funny too”. Hang on, I just read that and the pieces fell into place. Thank you for clearing that up for me. Suddenly the frantic running away and wild screaming is starting to make sense 😀


      16. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Yes, I have and that was pretty much the reaction I got. Look, I’m not good under pressure, it was all I could blurt out :/ See, now do you see why I tell you it’s better you never meet me in person?


      17. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Have I ever told you I don’t like the way you argue, it’s so sensible and all! 😀 Makes me feel immature, I have no idea why I need you to prove that to me though! Haha!


      18. John Guillen

        Hahaha it’s only cause I can type out a full thought. In person I’m like anyone else. Words evade me and I’m just yelling and cussing. Haha but I don’t ever get mad at people since I already don’t trust anyone.


      19. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Hmm, well common sense brain thoughts evade me, so you’re still better off! 😉 I curse in Hindi constantly which just adds to the slightly insane look I’m trying to bring into fashion 🙂 You don’t get mad? Really? I’m envious.


      20. John Guillen

        Haha whatever you say. I just mean I can’t even remember the last time I was yelling at someone or in one if those really angry text conversations. Just doesn’t happen. Ooooh. How many languages do you know?


      21. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Really?! You must be such a calm person, nice to meet you calm person, I am seriously envious though I think I may have already told you that. I speak Hindi, English (I think), understand Punjabi, and though I studied French & Japanese in school, I can’t remember anything except shut up, which though I can use often, rarely gets me into restaurants oddly 🙂


      22. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        See, I knew it! 7 languages, wow she could be like a superhero or something. That is sad, maybe she should just randomly yell at you in different languages, that would be interesting 🙂


      23. John Guillen

        Cause I have no friends. Which is why I like blogging. If I was normal and talked to people who know me, then I probably wouldn’t talk to people on here as much.


      24. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        You know, I won’t hold it against you if you tell me that I’m the ONE bright shining ray of light in your life right now (I know, I know – Jen excluded). Seriously, go ahead, try me 🙂


      25. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Of course not. Shush, let me enjoy & savour this very surprisingly unexpected compliment, okay? Geez, will it kill you to just let this one slide? 😉


      26. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I wouldn’t know because I can’t see you. Besides weren’t you just saying you were pointing the finger at me & laughing, weren’t you, weren’t you???


      27. John Guillen

        I apologize. You have pretty eyes. 🙂 there. Made up for it. Have I told you that eyes are the first thing I’m drawn to when I meet or see a girl? Green ones are my favorite.


      28. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Okay then, I’ll fall for it even though you’re so obviously flattering me because you are secretly very attached to bubbles, don’t fight it. Just don’t, I tried and it didn’t work. I’m like that character in Finding Nemo. You know the one? The one that goes “Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles … my bubbles”


      29. John Guillen

        I don’t know what you’re talking about. Again! I’m not flattering anyone. You know how many girls I’ve been like “ooooooh” about their eyes? Three. You’re numero cuatro. 🙂


      30. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Now you’ve got me all paranoid, I don’t know how to read stars, is that signalling the opposite, so I’m unentertaining? Crying, no sobbing hysterically here all alone, actually I lie. Lulu’s here 😉


      31. John Guillen

        You think I’m hilarious? Hmm. I wish there were more of you. Here. In Texas. Living next door. Who text me everyday. But there isn’t. So thanks.


      32. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Okay, be VERY careful about what you wish for 🙂 Seriously, no one wants more than one of me. Don’t even go suggesting it, you could be listed as a human rights violator. You’re very welcome, and I’ll chalk that comment down to a momentary lapse of sanity 😀


      33. John Guillen

        Nope. If you lived next door you’d see me everyday. And I’d be like…hey. I have a pool. Come on. And a million other things that people do since there’s no one else here who likes me.


      34. John Guillen

        It’s cause I’m awkward. And I don’t like people. For example, I talk to everyone I work with, but I only like talking to like two or three people. And I texted one of those few today and she literally texted me back like six hours later. Then stopped. And she’s one of the nice ones! Ugh. I don’t understand people.


      35. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        That’s just mean :/ Awkwardness is fun & interesting according to me 🙂 I don’t get the entire human race, I am convinced we were a mistake and somehow fell through the cracks of Natural Selection, our continued existence baffles me and is one of the Earth’s most mysterious secrets that need to be unravelled god dammit so we can change it now! :p


      36. John Guillen

        I know. Oh well. Which is why we should Skype. See, you’re making the case for it. I don’t know about that other stuff. I’m freaking awesome. Don’t care what anyone else says. 😉


      37. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        No we’re not. You’ve got Lulu, Loony, Gumpy, Skippy – a dinosaur with an identity problem. I’ve just listed 4 ther for you. Shees, and you say you’re alone, what’s that about?


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