Why Writers shouldn’t end up with one another …

Okay, so we’re constantly being told about how it’s nice to end up with someone on the same page as you, you know, so you can share your trials and tribulations of a hard day’s work with that special someone.

If you’re a teacher, why wouldn’t you want to come back home and explain how you just received a letter from that student who you thought was your best one yet outlining twelve possible reasons why he wants to kill you slowly and meticulously? On the other hand, as a Doctor, what could possibly be better than coming back home after an arduous twelve hour shift and sharing why that patient you “accidentally” left a pair of scissors in after slicing them open is going to sue you for everything you got?

Hey, at least your partner’s got your back, right? Plus, as an added bonus in the Doctor’s case, your divorce hearing is going to be short and sweet.

Even if you can’t quite wrap your brainy tentacles around why anyone on earth would ever want to get with someone who is most likely to have had exactly the same day as you (unless you are truly aiming for the award for the most boring life ever, then please go ahead), there are some absolutely undeniable facts as to why writers should stay clear of one another – at least in the “relationship” field:

1. Every time your partner politely asks you to go shopping, frantic alarm bells ring uncontrollably in your head because you know the shopping list is going to read like a novel and the last 24 hour Walmart in your area has a restraining order out on you because you never leave the premises. Seriously. It’s not your fault; it just took you that long to get through the list, that’s all.

2. Your children end up falling asleep before you get through the first line of a bedtime story because you and your partner are too busy discussing the appropriateness of commencing a fable with “Once Upon a Time”. You’re still discussing how Snow White taking an apple from the Evil Queen (and anyway – who would fall for that pathetic disguise in the first place?) is not realistic enough considering all the “Stanger Danger” lectures out there when your kids wake up in the morning.

3. A surprise ending is always so predictable because you understand the way your partner’s mind works for a climatic end. They wine and dine you and it’s already playing out in your head because you’ve been editing their novels for as long as you can remember. The only move that may shock you – the “you’ve been served” rendition when the postman hands you your “out of the blue” divorce request. To top it all off, instead of being devastated, you’re proud of them and you ring them up to say that that elusive cliff-hanger ending they’ve been working so hard to achieve is in the bag, baby!

4. Your partner cooks you (or at least what you believe to be) a subliminal inducing dinner and you are unable to give them false criticism because you take your role as a critic very seriously but you still want to be encouraging about the devastation anyway and end up saying “It’s nice honey. I mean it’s no Pulitzer Prize but just keep at it, You know, practice does make perfect. No matter how impossible it may feel right now. To both of us”.

5. Wait though. There’s more. The most devastating result of ending up with another writer. Your children have been so severely traumatised by having to grow up in a household with two people who believe everything they do (including the act of breathing) should be penned down, when career day comes around, they finally build up the courage to tell you, wait for it – they want to be Doctors!

Now what could possibly be worse than that? It’s settled, you’ve officially failed as parents.

On the bright side though, you may finally have that tragedy you’ve been meaning to write for years but haven’t been buoyed adequately enough for by that gut wrenching experience you absolutely need to feel in order to do so. Nobel Laureate in literature – here I come!

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22 thoughts on “Why Writers shouldn’t end up with one another …

  1. Frank

    My daughter is certainly getting very good at the ‘Does it really say that?’ when I’m reading her books and deviating from the relentless stupidity and tedious predictability of the plots. Especially witches – I don’t see why witches have to be evil and ugly.

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    1. mpsharmaauthor Post author

      Haha! Well, it’s very good that she’s starting that young, English class is going to be easy-peasy!!! I completely agree with the whole witch scenario by the way, bizarrely unlikely – especially if you take into account the whole concept of natural selection considering the work they normally and supposedly do 🙂

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      1. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Not true. Your future hubby should be thanking himself every day for getting you. In fact seeing as he is never going to catch up to required amounts of thanks he should be giving, I suggest he start now. Hey, Mr Herminia Chow, start thanking destiny now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. aspiringwriter22

        This future husband of mine better start reading our conversations now. Or else he’ll never catch up. That’s perhaps my top requirement at the moment. 😛 Haha, I wonder where he else is right now. Or if he is even on this earth…

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      3. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Well, though I do sincerely believe that your future husband would have to be out of this world because you know, you’re you. I am sure he is in the process of becoming perfect just for you, and is definitely on this earth. Or he’s a superhero, one of the two. Has to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. aspiringwriter22

        In that case, I’ll be introducing him to you. It just won’t do to have him missing out on the perfection and awesomeness that is you. I hope my sentence structure wasn’t too bad there. 😉

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      5. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        Your sentence structure like everything attached to you is mindboggling-ly spot on, as always! See, I even had to transform a word to improve it so it could suffice for your greatness, barely, but at least “do” 😛 I am humbled and honoured in one, your husband will still be getting over the shock (I am sure) of his good fortune at nabbing you 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      6. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I would be honoured, but it is going to be very difficult, scratch that, impossible to find someone suitable. Please, thank you for the compliment but it is extremely evident that all the letters in the alphabet are your best friends, not that I’m surprised. Everyone wants to be your best friend, I am sure of it!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. aspiringwriter22

        Ahahaha I have faith that you’ll find someone close to perfect. 😉 Besides I have been living and interacting with imperfect people for so long, I am almost used to it by now. Woah, what if I told you there are people on this planet who want nothing to do with me?

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      8. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        I DO NOT B-E-L-I-E-V-E IT -_- People on this planet who want nothing to do with you, are they ill? I mean, mentally,, emotionally, spiritually, everywhere??? How is this possible, that’s like saying the earth is flat. Excuse me while I go hyperventilate.

        It is a by product of having to deal with mere mortals, living with imperfection. Sad but true 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      9. aspiringwriter22

        I have been questioning that too for the past ten years of my life. Or ever since I started thinking and questioning things. 🙂 Aha I bet some of those people actually believe the world is flat. Excused.

        Mhm sadly. We’ll get through it though. Together. 😀

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      10. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        You should question it, because that is an anomaly that is horrendous by its very definition. How is that possible? Though we will have to excuse those who believe that the world is flat because well, obviously their brains are as well 🙂 Thank God we have each other 🙂

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      11. aspiringwriter22

        You are too perfect. I think we’ve been over this before. But it never hurts to say it again. You are so completely, utterly perfect. I have no idea. They will be excused. We can’t expect everyone to be on or near our level of perfection. I feel I must thank you too.

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      12. mpsharmaauthor Post author

        You’re right, we can’t expect the world to be as perfect as us, alas, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles unfortunately 😛 We need a gigantic cookie monster to rid the world of the uniformed, we can ride him as he cleanses the earth , one perched on each humungous – ly ridiculous plastic eyeball

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