My sister and I were walking alongside our local lake the other day when we passed a panel van that does workplace safety for our wholesome canine folk.
Following a perplexed interlocked stare with one another, we started chatting about all the potential issues that could be raised and came up with the following message the average household pet must be illuminated with in this very pertinent and naturally much needed discussion:
1. Never, I repeat NEVER try and grab your tail with your razor sharps. No matter how much you believe you have a stalker, once you capture the bane of your existence it is going to be much more painful than if you leave your ardent follower alone. Trust me.
2. You must walk on all fours at all times. Copying your stupid human “Master” is going to cause severe injuries and perhaps get you killed. Just look at the tripping epidemics your human constantly lives through while taking you on your daily walk (or maybe that’s just me).
3. The concept of stranger danger always seems to be lost on you. Just because that other mortal is carrying a Big Mac with them and is promising you half of it if you jump into their car, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Okay, who am I kidding, maybe it does. Look, let’s compromise. If it’s a package deal with fries and a Coke, ditch your human as fast as you can. They don’t deserve you.
Any more you’d like to add to the list? I’m thinking of compiling a dossier to send the company’s way. Thanks!