Category Archives: Gym

Superman Body Builder

If Beyoncé has her alter ego …

So do I. This is my Monday buddie, because I need all the energy I can get to face the week.

This is my exact facial expression all through the day as I type away on my keyboard. No wonder no one bothers me the whole day.

Have a Super week everyone … pun intended 😛

They say exercise is good for you …

I always knew there was a reason I didn’t believe them.

Chalk Outline of Person

As a sidebar, at least my flexibility has improved.

Me after a workout … just before I was wheeled out of the gym. Thank goodness for going to a gym where (I just realised may be a sign), a lot of paramedics attend.

Image Taken From: http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photography-chalk-outline-person-image3763297

Know how to Bullshit …

These were one of the first words our Journalism lecturer uttered to us bright eyed, raring to go Journalism enthusiasts when we joined University.

“A good journalist can bullshit about anything”, he blasted over the microphone in the cavernous lecture hall as we sat there gawking at how someone in a “teacher’s” position could so easily swear in a mock classroom. I know, I know, boy did we have some catching up to do on reality!

Anyway, this story (although pretty pointless as well) has nothing to do with my wild and unrestrained journalism days (let me live the fantasy okay?).

I decided to put this theory to test with my gym instructor after hours of targeted researching on the net over the weekend (basically just bumming around really) on how exercising is really and truly detrimental to my health. Turns out my gym instructor, in addition to being allergic to sanity, happiness, content taste buds and a well rested skeletal structure (just to mention a few) is also highly allergic to apparent, well researched “bullshit”.

Either that, or I’m not as good a journalist as I think -_-

I need a Fix for my “fix”

I’m broken. I’m sure of it. It can be the only explanation for putting myself through the torturous ordeal of working out on a daily basis.

Apparently, pesky little endorphins are to blame, those minute satanic blips in my body that decided to pop out of nowhere, without any warning or requests for permissions to be present that I have unknowingly become addicted to.

So will someone please provide me with a fix for my fix? Of all the vices, who knew I would choose the treadmill for my drug of choice? That’s just lame -_-

Being Good can be Painful …

So, I was a good girl yesterday and finally decided to bravely jump onto the treadmill at my gym after a four week sabbatical.

Let me just say, if you aren’t particularly fond of tragic endings – to stop reading now.

After a horrendous ten minutes (is it just me, or does time conspire to travel at a MUCH slower rate when you’re on the brink of passing out due to a lack of oxygen consumption?), I have made the following discovery:

1. You should be able to sue Mother Nature for feeling as much pain as exercise causes you.

2. There are muscle groups you really, truly should not be able to feel as a general, unarguable rule. In fact, I would like to put a petition in to eradicate them due to their detrimental repercussions. Just like our Appendix.

3. I’d like to also be able to freely reprimand whoever created the wonderful, albeit, sometimes frustratingly useless human appendages we have all been forcefully “gifted”. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for all of them, I would just like to revisit the pain sensors blueprint please. Pronto.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check if my thighs are still attached to the rest of me.

Personal Trainers are Satan’s minions

I told my personal trainer friend that “her people” (by this I mean Satan’s minions) were wrong when they said exercise was good for my body. I mean, the age-old adage of everything in moderation had to be true for all of life’s twists and turns otherwise my whole perspective on the world would have to be blown to smithereens right there and then.

My friend told me to elaborate and though I was acutely aware of walking smack bang into the middle of a mine field, apparently endorphins do shite for your brain cells which is extremely lethal for someone with my um well, limited brain capacity – but enough about me.

I told her that I was feeling pain in body parts that I was pretty sure didn’t exist in the species I have been led to believe I belong to since I popped out of my mother’s womb and how I was going to write to my local council and state that anyone who exercises a fellow human being to start “feeling” these body parts should be extradited (to hell presumably) immediately.

Now I know what you’re thinking, how dumb am I? For your kind information, my friend’s smirk did set warning bells clambering up my spine and though I did attempt to run in the opposite direction, the dumbbells she had attached to my ankles blocked my noble retreat and she politely asked (with a skipping rope in her hand that she had sinisterly changed into a makeshift whip that would put Spartacus to shame) that I drop and give her twenty.

Suffice to say I escaped with my life just to recount this story to you for witness purposes on the event of my untimely death. Got to go, she’s back …

Show you care …

Because sharing is caring, I was hoping that you guys could share the calories I picked up along the way from that scrumptious peanut coated Cornetto I just finished, so I don’t have to layer up in this freezing cold to jog around the block?

Oh come on, show me you care already!

To shower you with my gratitude, I’ll even treat my body to another one. Caramel fudge anyone?