Tag Archives: Christmas

relaxation-road-trip

It’s that Time of Year Again …

Finally!

The Summer season is around the corner for us Southern Hemisphere people.

Work officially ends in about four weeks and from now till then I will not be venturing into the world of functioning folks due to my monstrous, inhumane work schedule -_-

Which is saying something considering my “functioning” self is a far cry from everyone else’s normal functioning selves. That makes minimal sense. I realise that.

Which is why I have decided to give everyone of you a break. As well as my poor brain so it doesn’t break any further.

Enjoy the festive season with your loved ones my wonderful, awesome-st peeps and tell me all about it when I get back.

In the meantime, I will be taking a road trip (in case none of you got my cryptic featured image there) and will let you know all about it upon my return (that sounded a lot grander than I had first envisioned – like King Arthur type noble).

Any guesses on where I’m going? Let me know and I’ll give you an invisible present if you guess right. Seriously, it’ll be so invisible, you will never be able to find it.

Jusqu’à ce que je reviens, au revoir mes amis! (I love Google Translation).

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Dear Santa,

I thought I’d get in early with my requests seeing as I know how busy you are at this time of year.

I did try sending you a letter back in January but one of your Elves sent me a slightly “short” response outlining that I quit bugging you till December basically. Don’t worry, I have contacted the “Santa Listens” Customer Service hotline on 1300 LEAVE ME ALONE to complain but suspiciously ended up feeling like that number was solely made for me. I know – ridiculous right? That’s what I thought. Anyhow, enough of that because we both know how much I love to ramble so here goes. My extremely timid (may I just point out because I have been told on occasion that my demands are never ending and slightly ridiculously unachievable) list of wants!

1. World Peace. I get it; everyone wants it so why are you dragging your heels about it already? It’s so clichéd; it is now a joke in movies that is frankly, beginning to get a little tiresome. I’m not sure what all the fuss is about with living in harmony with one another seeing as we only have centuries of historical testament to the turmoil and wake of devastation hate leaves in its path as it hurricanes through everyone’s life. Oh hang on, the penny just dropped. We’re the ones who have to make a conscious decision to stop it from ruining our lives? Hmm yeah, well I see your point, okay scratch that, it’s a human gift, not a Santa one. Well then, what about my next one?

2. Celebrating our differences. C’mon, seriously?! How can this not already have been presented to someone, I mean even if the receiver didn’t like it – hello, rewrap it and pass it onto the next person on the gift list. The world is made up of so many wonderfully, awe inspiring cultures and nationalities; it’s basically a Petri dish for learning viruses, you know – the good kind. What? Wait, this is another human gift? Oh right, fine, people need to make a conscious decision to let people with other perspectives in and be respectful of ideas that don’t fit ours. Alright, I’ll give you that one too. This is getting embarrassing. Moving on …

3. The Environment is going to Shite. I don’t know if you’ve noticed Santa but your home is apparently melting. In fact, whether you believe in the whole ruckus climate change enthusiasts have thrown up or not, I think it’s safe to say that our beautiful planet isn’t what it used to be. Really, what is Mother Nature doing? She really does need to take a little more care of herself, let’s be honest, age is just a number and now the situation is getting dire. I’ve heard Polar Bears are the next item on the chopping block – I mean, what? Cute white fluffy bears? What is happening with the world because that is just wrong! Okay Santa, you really need to stop skirting on your responsibilities and snoozing on the job (as you can see from the above photo, I have proof). How can this be a people present? Right, I did get the memo outlining that we just all need to be a little less greedy on the planet’s resources, you know with the three cars for a family of two and the fifty potato chip packet reserves we have stocked in the pantry just in case I get hungry exactly 467.987 days from now. Fine – I’ll give this one to you too -_-

Just for the record though, I am not happy about this. There isn’t a single present on this list I can’t give myself which just sux. Now, a nice red Porsche – surely that is a Santa gift. I even chose red as an homage to you know who 😉

So I’m guessing it’s going to be a waste of time sending you out that long list I have been meticulously updating throughout the year outlining my nice versus naughty deeds?

Hmm, I’ll send it to you anyway, just in case. Can you please send me your updated address, for some reason the letters I keep sending your way get returned back to me unopened with the message “Santa does not live here anymore”. What’s that all about anyway?

Image taken from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/puzzler4879/6515661611/in/photolist-5Gx5P8-5VZWJw-v6gLm-ibUMDu-679Ynh-cBS5pQ-aVLtci-n8EExQ-yHtfH-6weW1P-4FfLUu-5xHsDX-5SQChF-66gPcn-aA9gsy-6hFXiG-bK4jh-7faf7U-95Gras-7PLfR-6AGr4F-94hMnJ-6FerxM-6EtKNV-7rjPAU-itJaGC-7f2E3C-5vLtnj-6JowTP-6dsN7p-7fbfyN-7fbfes-941f1K-bWSD9o-aPjS-uHwcF-3B3tEq-5LY9Bu-idFAdt-pu4144-85QN2a-5vTUrD-jtJxh-5KsUCj-3exZq7-dNXmFA-5UsLEf-q2qcB-dAEC7G-aZkBGa/

Yaaaaaayyyyyy!!! It’s December!

We’re finally here, my favourite month of the year!

I just love December, it’s when summer starts, it’s when the season to be jolly and festive begins, it signals the end of a great year and the time to wind down while spending precious time with family alongside also being the month that marks the heralding of a fresh, new beginning on December the 31st!

And best of all – Christmas decorations!!! As a side bar, how do you like my tree everyone?

Basically, it’s P-A-R-T-Y time! Now all I have to do is survive the next two weeks. I can do that, right? Of course I can! Have a WONDERFUL Monday everyone 🙂

Sex, Money and more Sex

One of the first lessons that my Journalism lecturer taught us bright eyed, news hungry students at University was that all stories only ever came down to two things, and two things only:

Sex and Money.

The more you probed, the higher the bet that at the core of all news worthy stories, it was likely to have been caused by a raunchy sexual encounter somewhere down the murky line of the very first remnants of when the story evolved.

I read a blog post here a couple of weeks ago (by The Journal) about how enticing people to read your work involved reeling potential readers in with a catchy headline that was most imperatively, sexy. This made me think about my lecturer along with that very first lesson and as I took a trip down memory lane, I made a mental note about how many stories I had written, investigated and/or read since that time that involved the three main vices on our planet – sex, drugs and money.

I’ll be the first to admit that though I would like to at least represent a little of Einstein’s brain activity, he has made his firm and staunch negatory position painfully clear to me in terms of my maths skills, but even I could see that stories that boiled down to drugs, naturally gave way to money which was often lost pathetically or more aptly, downright stupidly due to some poor bugger being unable to, well (excuse my lack of eloquence), being unable to keep it in his/her pants!

It’s funnily (and a little depressingly) ironic that the human race has, after all these centuries of being slaughtered, murdered and idiotically perishing, still not quite grasped what more often than not does us in, something that is at the core of our being, a basic human need and genetic requirement – sex!

It’s a little like that great, mouth-watering present we’ve all had menacingly tucked away flimsily under our Christmas tree for thirty days or so before we can claw it apart with our hungry fingernails. The one that keeps us up at nights leading up to D-Day, the cause of our many tosses and turns before the big day until we can finally reveal what we expect to be amazing, the Holy Grail of all presents out there, ready for us to devour in all its grandeur and splendour. And then we open it, and before you’re able to mask your stomach guttering disappointment at the contents of your façade like package, everyone already knows what you’re thinking. This sux.

I always tend to feel the same levels of jumbled disenchantment when I follow a story for months only to find out how the tell-tale is brought down to its knees at the very end, by sex. It’s almost brutally tormenting to have to inflict that sort of dumb explanation on my brain every time I sit down to watch how another one of the world’s “greatest mysteries” has been cracked open.

Why are human beings still so cruelly stupid? I get it, the allure and all its associated bling, but really, seriously? Is it worth all the shaming, ridiculing, money and face losing?

Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? We can, it would just involve using all the muscles in our body, not just one. You know the one I’m speaking about; the brain as well! I ponder on how many clicks my title is going to get because it has the three letters of s-e-x in the order it does, even though the pesky phrase tells me nothing of relevance really (not that I’m complaining). What I do bet on though, is the disappointment many of my readers will have once they get through this article, that is if they do at all.

So, I apologise in advance for including no porn, dramatic sexual encounters and any 18+ related material, though I have absolutely no problem in pimping my blog out.

What? A girl’s got to make her living somehow, and often whoring out your writing is the only way to go. Sorry, apparently this blog post has had absolutely no impact on the author itself. Eh, you know how it goes – if you can’t beat them then you got to go join them! What can I say? It’s a cruel world folks. 😉