One of the first lessons that my Journalism lecturer taught us bright eyed, news hungry students at University was that all stories only ever came down to two things, and two things only:
Sex and Money.
The more you probed, the higher the bet that at the core of all news worthy stories, it was likely to have been caused by a raunchy sexual encounter somewhere down the murky line of the very first remnants of when the story evolved.
I read a blog post here a couple of weeks ago (by The Journal) about how enticing people to read your work involved reeling potential readers in with a catchy headline that was most imperatively, sexy. This made me think about my lecturer along with that very first lesson and as I took a trip down memory lane, I made a mental note about how many stories I had written, investigated and/or read since that time that involved the three main vices on our planet – sex, drugs and money.
I’ll be the first to admit that though I would like to at least represent a little of Einstein’s brain activity, he has made his firm and staunch negatory position painfully clear to me in terms of my maths skills, but even I could see that stories that boiled down to drugs, naturally gave way to money which was often lost pathetically or more aptly, downright stupidly due to some poor bugger being unable to, well (excuse my lack of eloquence), being unable to keep it in his/her pants!
It’s funnily (and a little depressingly) ironic that the human race has, after all these centuries of being slaughtered, murdered and idiotically perishing, still not quite grasped what more often than not does us in, something that is at the core of our being, a basic human need and genetic requirement – sex!
It’s a little like that great, mouth-watering present we’ve all had menacingly tucked away flimsily under our Christmas tree for thirty days or so before we can claw it apart with our hungry fingernails. The one that keeps us up at nights leading up to D-Day, the cause of our many tosses and turns before the big day until we can finally reveal what we expect to be amazing, the Holy Grail of all presents out there, ready for us to devour in all its grandeur and splendour. And then we open it, and before you’re able to mask your stomach guttering disappointment at the contents of your façade like package, everyone already knows what you’re thinking. This sux.
I always tend to feel the same levels of jumbled disenchantment when I follow a story for months only to find out how the tell-tale is brought down to its knees at the very end, by sex. It’s almost brutally tormenting to have to inflict that sort of dumb explanation on my brain every time I sit down to watch how another one of the world’s “greatest mysteries” has been cracked open.
Why are human beings still so cruelly stupid? I get it, the allure and all its associated bling, but really, seriously? Is it worth all the shaming, ridiculing, money and face losing?
Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? We can, it would just involve using all the muscles in our body, not just one. You know the one I’m speaking about; the brain as well! I ponder on how many clicks my title is going to get because it has the three letters of s-e-x in the order it does, even though the pesky phrase tells me nothing of relevance really (not that I’m complaining). What I do bet on though, is the disappointment many of my readers will have once they get through this article, that is if they do at all.
So, I apologise in advance for including no porn, dramatic sexual encounters and any 18+ related material, though I have absolutely no problem in pimping my blog out.
What? A girl’s got to make her living somehow, and often whoring out your writing is the only way to go. Sorry, apparently this blog post has had absolutely no impact on the author itself. Eh, you know how it goes – if you can’t beat them then you got to go join them! What can I say? It’s a cruel world folks. 😉