… I think that has to mean I’ve officially made it, hit the big time, right?
Seriously, if someone is taking time out of their presumably “busy” schedule to stalk me about how crap I am at everything literary related it would have to mean I’m someone of (somewhat) importance.
Either that, or the you-know-what head has got seriously nothing better to do with their life than leave unassuming, try-hard jibes peppered across my Twitter account.
I’ll take the first version because you know, I’m working on my positive affirmation.
Just so you know, they ended up blocking me which I guess makes me a Troll in return.
If I’d only known Troll training was as easy as it turned out to be, I would have received my certificate ages ago.
You know what they say – it takes one to know one 🙂
Slam bam, thank you mam!
… for being so absent lately.
Though it isn’t an excuse, I’ll fall back on that dismal aspect of human nature and attempt to absolve myself of any wrongdoings by providing you with an adequate 3 point resource on how it’s really not my fault.
Point 1 – I’ve been so busy that if I were a Troll protecting the make believe bridge to Narnia I just made up right now, well, Narnia would no longer be Narnia – it would be the next best holiday destination. I have been writing though, about an article a week but woe is me, much of my time is taken up in maintaining active social media accounts for work.
You need a Twitter, Facebook or Google + guru right now, don’t look at me. I’m fresh out of ideas.
Point 2 – I have seriously pissed karma off and I don’t even know what I did. The amount of minor mishaps I have had with my skeleton over the past month would be enough to fill up a small encyclopaedia. Seriously. From toe injuries to wrist massacring’s, it’s a wonder I still resemble a human body. Fine, maybe not an encyclopaedia but a good weekend read in a grubby motel off Highway 5. At least.
Point 3 – I blame Trump because well, why wouldn’t you?
I don’t think history has ever provided us with such an apt “he is the cause of everything that’s wrong in this world, my life and this entire solar system really” excuse, people. Ever.
I am not kidding. It’s every man, woman and child for themselves and I can’t even copyright this one. Take it. Run with it.
I’ve been busy because Trump exists.
With that being said, I make no promises except an absolute true declaration – I have missed all of you. Truly.
I’ll try and make it up for it and write some more, or at least be more present if my fingers remain from that biyatch injury infliction.
I hope you’re listening karma. I’m a Hindu and I ain’t going anywhere so let’s try and be friends, okay? Or at least civil.
See you soon my peeps xoxo
My sister and I went out to dinner Friday night (seems like an eternity ago but I think that may be due to my Mondayitis but whatever).
We came across a billboard for funerals and in an effort to silence our grumbling stomachs in the car on the way there we decided to exercise my marketing prowess (or lack of it) and come up with some slogans or punchlines.
Turns out, there are some one-liners that are pure perfection for anyone in this business, so funeral directors, listen carefully. For all the rest of us in mundane businesses like mine, we definitely have our work cut out for us.
Disclaimer: If you’re feeling particularly depressed today or death is a sore subject at the moment, please give this one a pass …
So, without much ado, here’s what we came up with:
- Simply Funerals – With Customer Service like ours you’ll never go back.
- Simply Funerals – We bring a whole new meaning to a Customer for Life.
- Simply Funerals – Once you’re with us, you’ll never go back. Anywhere.
- Simply Funerals – You’ll be so happy with us, you’ll never want a refund.
- Simply Funerals (for the cremation options) – We can promise you, you’ll be going out with a Bang.
- Simply Funerals (for the cremation options) – As a bonus, free fireworks for family and friends.
- Simply Funerals – Refer a friend BEFORE you use our service and get two for the price of one
I know, I know, it’s crass but hunger apparently doesn’t bring out the best in the Sharma sisters. Or, does it? I guess it depends on the angle you’re looking at it from – six feet under or above …
Any of you lovely people care to add onto the list?
So do I. This is my Monday buddie, because I need all the energy I can get to face the week.
This is my exact facial expression all through the day as I type away on my keyboard. No wonder no one bothers me the whole day.
Have a Super week everyone … pun intended 😛
I swear, this is a viable condition often experienced by Writer’s in winter. It’s called Frozen Writer’s block. There’s no cure except for gluttonous extreme vegetation in front of the BBC channel for inspiration.
You know that saying, one girl’s loss is another one’s gain. You’re welcome, another week free of punishment from my brain. Don’t say I don’t give you anything.
Disclaimer: For faster results, attack the virus with a never ending supply of buttered popcorn and unhealthy salt and fake cheese infused Cheese and Bacon Balls.
Let me know if you want my address or I could just lie here with my mouth open and you can pelt junk food into it. See, there’s a positive to everything – even Frozen Writer’s Block.