Tag Archives: news

Nim-Veda-Channel-Ten

When the Fruits of your Labour …

… Finally show up, it’s a great feeling isn’t it?

Our team at work have been working tirelessly for the past month or so trying to get our 30 second stint on Australia’s national Channel Ten channel’s Studio 10 (Morning News show) for the launch of our latest Organic Food Products just perfect.

The result?

Short but oh so very sweet.

We’ve hit replay about a gazillion times (and there are no signs of our trigger finger slowing) and we’re proud and satisfied.

Don’t you just love that feeling when all your blood, sweat and tears behind your hard work finally has something to show for it?

We certainly do.

Here’s the clip if you’re interested.

See you guys soon 🙂

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I’m Sorry …

… for being so absent lately.

Though it isn’t an excuse, I’ll fall back on that dismal aspect of human nature and attempt to absolve myself of any wrongdoings by providing you with an adequate 3 point resource on how it’s really not my fault.

Point 1 – I’ve been so busy that if I were a Troll protecting the make believe bridge to Narnia I just made up right now, well, Narnia would no longer be Narnia – it would be the next best holiday destination. I have been writing though, about an article a week but woe is me, much of my time is taken up in maintaining active social media accounts for work.

You need a Twitter, Facebook or Google + guru right now, don’t look at me. I’m fresh out of ideas.

Point 2 – I have seriously pissed karma off and I don’t even know what I did. The amount of minor mishaps I have had with my skeleton over the past month would be enough to fill up a small encyclopaedia. Seriously. From toe injuries to wrist massacring’s, it’s a wonder I still resemble a human body. Fine, maybe not an encyclopaedia but a good weekend read in a grubby motel off Highway 5. At least.

Point 3 – I blame Trump because well, why wouldn’t you?

I don’t think history has ever provided us with such an apt “he is the cause of everything that’s wrong in this world, my life and this entire solar system really” excuse, people. Ever.

I am not kidding. It’s every man, woman and child for themselves and I can’t even copyright this one. Take it. Run with it.

I’ve been busy because Trump exists.

With that being said, I make no promises except an absolute true declaration – I have missed all of you. Truly.

I’ll try and make it up for it and write some more, or at least be more present if my fingers remain from that biyatch injury infliction.

I hope you’re listening karma. I’m a Hindu and I ain’t going anywhere so let’s try and be friends, okay? Or at least civil.

See you soon my peeps xoxo

Know how to Bullshit …

These were one of the first words our Journalism lecturer uttered to us bright eyed, raring to go Journalism enthusiasts when we joined University.

“A good journalist can bullshit about anything”, he blasted over the microphone in the cavernous lecture hall as we sat there gawking at how someone in a “teacher’s” position could so easily swear in a mock classroom. I know, I know, boy did we have some catching up to do on reality!

Anyway, this story (although pretty pointless as well) has nothing to do with my wild and unrestrained journalism days (let me live the fantasy okay?).

I decided to put this theory to test with my gym instructor after hours of targeted researching on the net over the weekend (basically just bumming around really) on how exercising is really and truly detrimental to my health. Turns out my gym instructor, in addition to being allergic to sanity, happiness, content taste buds and a well rested skeletal structure (just to mention a few) is also highly allergic to apparent, well researched “bullshit”.

Either that, or I’m not as good a journalist as I think -_-

Why Teachers deserve more …

Teachers are singlehandedly the most important people you are ever going to come into contact with outside of your immediate family and in some cases, even more pertinent in your journey throughout life.

I’m not kidding or overstating this in any way at all (even though I am on occasion known to be a tiny bit overdramatic!). True, my mother is in education so I may be a little biased but I do truly believe that teachers shape your life, and most imperatively, your attitude.

I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t have a “teacher” story to tell. Unfortunately though, not all the teacher tales are good ones. I have a friend who actually dropped out of school at the age of sixteen because his teacher had such a profoundly negative effect on him he could simply no longer take the torture of having to go and see her face for a whole two more years.

In hindsight, I often wonder if he thinks back to his decision and ponders on how his life could have been different had he soldiered on for two more years. I mean, what’s two years in comparison to an entire lifetime? For adults – nothing. For a teenager being mentally bludgeoned five days a week, simply put – the end.

I was one of the lucky ones. I was gifted with a teacher comprised with the best quality any educator could ever possibly have and that’s inspiration. My art teacher, Mr John Philippides didn’t just teach me art, he taught me attitude. Best of all, Mr. Philippides taught me about life, in an age where most of us struggle between right and wrong, about going against the grain because it’s the right thing to do, about the “mark” we want to leave on the planet. Some of you would know that I didn’t exactly have an easy time throughout school. I was bullied continuously and being a fair bit younger than my classmates didn’t help, what with having a “delayed” reaction to anything that actually mattered, namely leaving all the “uncool things’ behind, like my love for Disney characters (which has never left by the way. Just in case you’re wondering).

Mr. Philippides would often tell me I’d forget about him once I left school and I would vehemently deny the atrocious accusation, he didn’t believe me and I’d just like to say, I have proven you wrong Mr. Philippides!

I often think about my art teacher and his many, innumerable gifts that he has partaken with me along the way. Though he most likely will never know, his words of wisdom continue to stroll alongside me throughout my many obstacles, turns and twists and like him; they inspire me to be the best I can.

Though I always knew of his immense talent, my youthful naivety blinded me to the truly great artist he was and the amazing genius the rest of the World had also been fortunate enough to glimpse.

My childhood “greed” I guess (for the lack of a better word) almost always believed that he was simply put on this planet to teach me art! 😀 However, I was wrong, and now I see the profound effect my art teacher has had on many lives outside of mine, but he was still and always will be my teacher first!

Thank you Mr. Philippides for teaching me about life, your enamoured lessons are ones that I am positive I will take with me across lifetimes because yours are ones that touched my soul, not just my brain.

We live in a Democracy but … you’re not allowed to say that.

“But” – such a seemingly simple, nonabrasive word, hardly ever recognised for its severe hypocrisy enamoured intentions and the scantily clad evilness it embodies. Often, I hate the word “but” because it provides us with the ability to shift the blame onto some invisible imaginary wickedness outside of ourselves no one else can quite seem to see.

“I don’t hate you but …”, “I’m really quite an open minded person but …”, “That country doesn’t deserve being bombed the way it has but…” The list is never ending, in a painful sort of way. A general rule of thumb that I try to live with every time I hear the word “but” is to disregard every single syllable that unfortunately preceded it, which believe me, is extremely difficult because it is often times someone’s best material. Everything tends to go downhill once that foreboding word “but” is included.

As some of you may know, Australia is going through a very democratic BUT questionable rule at the moment that basically puts a muzzle on everyone else who isn’t a politician. It’s a shame I know (not to mention enormously embarrassing) for a country that prides itself on being a crusader for democracy BUT it is a question of national security after all. Well naturally, that should be explanation enough if not for that one measly detail – all those advocates for truth? You know the ones I’m speaking of – the Julian Assange’s and Eric Snowden’s of the World.

If you were truly off your rockers and decided to believe what’s coming out of our current politicians mouths, regardless of the party they belong to (isn’t it creepy when opposing political members get together?) this innovative rule that basically involves everything we say being censored by the government is actually to keep us safe. Come on, when the words “national security” are mentioned, obviously that should be enough for us to take their word for it. Isn’t that what it’s all about, them verses us?

While watching Q & A on Monday night (a program that encourages free thinking) on the Australian Broadcasting Corporation free to air television channel, a politician actually had the gall, (can you believe it), the ludicrous audacity to promote her vicious, down right undemocratic stance against free speech by telling a journalist (of all people) that an anti-freedom of speech law was required because, wait for it, not all journalists are socially responsible. Aha, that makes sense because I can count on one hand the amount of “socially responsible honest” politicians out there. Hang on – can I call a friend for this question please?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly feel very secure with the idea of global politicians being the gatekeepers of truth, not with the human rights records a lot of countries have, the (often leaked) dismal, inhumane and downright “slave inspired” conditions of our detention centres, and well, some of the nincompoops we have (obviously in a drunken stupor) elected to represent us.

I thought evolution meant we were supposed to get better, not the other way round. Am I on a different page, or better yet, book? Aren’t we supposed to be getting more open minded and better at sharing knowledge rather than keeping the dirty (and often not so little) secrets of corrupt politicians under wraps? Hang on, aren’t you, Australian Government supposed to be representing me? I don’t recall ticking the “please silence me unless I agree with you” check box on the ballot paper the last time I voted.

This is not about who gets whose vote, there are more important issues on hand at the moment. This is not about being on anyone’s side, it’s about standing up for what’s right. The journalist on Q&A said it right, the government can try and lock truth seekers up as much as they want BUT for every Assange or Snowden they attempt to get rid of, a hundred more who are willing to stand up for what’s right no matter what the consequences will mushroom towards the surface. Muzzle that.

Girl suffers epilepsy attack after taking too many selfies for Facebook

Bangalore: In line with the latest trend of people taking selfies for their social networking profiles, a girl from the city today (who chooses to remain anonymous) has suffered an epilepsy attack after being subjected to the constant flashes by way of her camera on her smartphone.

“One moment I was fine”, the girl explained to Faking News, “and after about the 105th click, it suddenly hit me!”

The girl’s doctor, Dr Khan says that the problem is a lot more common than one might expect. “We have been stunned with the innumerable amount of cases, some even causing permanent damage such as constant twitching of the trigger forefinger with regards to taking selfies”.

When probed on the reason for the recent increase in selfie related cases, Dr Khan explained that due to friends not meeting each other in person any longer, people were starting to have to remind one another of how they looked.

“The proliferation of selfies seems to be a direct result of an uptake in social media platforms such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to name a few. One of my previous patients wasn’t allowed back home because his mother didn’t recognise her own son after he’d been locked in his room chatting with his friends via Facebook for over a week. The boy even texted his maid via Facebook when he wanted to eat or drink something.”

“It is true,” one of Dr Khan’s latest patient’s, Vishal confirmed, “I was in police lockup for days because my father thought I was a burglar one night when he found me in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge. Papa thought that I had already left for College abroad two weeks before when I had actually been talking to my friends through Twitter. It took three days for the police to let me go because I didn’t know who to go to, to prove my identity!”

The girl who has currently been ordered to take full bed rest has had her electronic appliances confiscated; however her phone is still with her as Dr Khan fears that making her go cold turkey could cause heart palpitations.

Faking News would like to direct your attention to the following disclaimer, in the case of liking this article on social media networks, please note that Faking News takes no responsibility for any medical conditions that may occur as a result.

I had this post published on Faking News on Friday and it has receieved 789 likes and 79 shares via Facebook so far! I have absolutely no idea why this one in particular has been as popular as it has, though I’m not complaining 😀 Thought I’d share it with my favourite readers here, so enjoy! Happy Monday guys 🙂

Sex, Money and more Sex

One of the first lessons that my Journalism lecturer taught us bright eyed, news hungry students at University was that all stories only ever came down to two things, and two things only:

Sex and Money.

The more you probed, the higher the bet that at the core of all news worthy stories, it was likely to have been caused by a raunchy sexual encounter somewhere down the murky line of the very first remnants of when the story evolved.

I read a blog post here a couple of weeks ago (by The Journal) about how enticing people to read your work involved reeling potential readers in with a catchy headline that was most imperatively, sexy. This made me think about my lecturer along with that very first lesson and as I took a trip down memory lane, I made a mental note about how many stories I had written, investigated and/or read since that time that involved the three main vices on our planet – sex, drugs and money.

I’ll be the first to admit that though I would like to at least represent a little of Einstein’s brain activity, he has made his firm and staunch negatory position painfully clear to me in terms of my maths skills, but even I could see that stories that boiled down to drugs, naturally gave way to money which was often lost pathetically or more aptly, downright stupidly due to some poor bugger being unable to, well (excuse my lack of eloquence), being unable to keep it in his/her pants!

It’s funnily (and a little depressingly) ironic that the human race has, after all these centuries of being slaughtered, murdered and idiotically perishing, still not quite grasped what more often than not does us in, something that is at the core of our being, a basic human need and genetic requirement – sex!

It’s a little like that great, mouth-watering present we’ve all had menacingly tucked away flimsily under our Christmas tree for thirty days or so before we can claw it apart with our hungry fingernails. The one that keeps us up at nights leading up to D-Day, the cause of our many tosses and turns before the big day until we can finally reveal what we expect to be amazing, the Holy Grail of all presents out there, ready for us to devour in all its grandeur and splendour. And then we open it, and before you’re able to mask your stomach guttering disappointment at the contents of your façade like package, everyone already knows what you’re thinking. This sux.

I always tend to feel the same levels of jumbled disenchantment when I follow a story for months only to find out how the tell-tale is brought down to its knees at the very end, by sex. It’s almost brutally tormenting to have to inflict that sort of dumb explanation on my brain every time I sit down to watch how another one of the world’s “greatest mysteries” has been cracked open.

Why are human beings still so cruelly stupid? I get it, the allure and all its associated bling, but really, seriously? Is it worth all the shaming, ridiculing, money and face losing?

Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? We can, it would just involve using all the muscles in our body, not just one. You know the one I’m speaking about; the brain as well! I ponder on how many clicks my title is going to get because it has the three letters of s-e-x in the order it does, even though the pesky phrase tells me nothing of relevance really (not that I’m complaining). What I do bet on though, is the disappointment many of my readers will have once they get through this article, that is if they do at all.

So, I apologise in advance for including no porn, dramatic sexual encounters and any 18+ related material, though I have absolutely no problem in pimping my blog out.

What? A girl’s got to make her living somehow, and often whoring out your writing is the only way to go. Sorry, apparently this blog post has had absolutely no impact on the author itself. Eh, you know how it goes – if you can’t beat them then you got to go join them! What can I say? It’s a cruel world folks. 😉