Why clumsy people shouldn’t get pierced

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I had ten piercings before I got an industrial one in my right ear over the weekend so naturally, you could hardly be blamed for thinking that I should know better by now, right?

Wrong.

How the hell anyone with two fresh, brand new holes in their ear would decide to go and get the phone cord intricately wrapped around their newest piercing after being as “experienced” as I am in this department is beyond me. Really.

The excruciating pain experienced is one of those rare circumstances where words will miserably fall short. The term vivisection, a humungous understatement. It was like having The Little Mermaid’s main villain, Ursula’s tentacles wrapped around my ear for an eternity, refusing to relent unless I gave her my soul.

Just take the ear, will you?